40 Things I Have Learned In 40 Years

First off, let me preface this very long list of lessons learned by saying that yesterday was my 40th birthday, and while I have always been one to embrace life and roll with its punches, this trip around the sun was a rather difficult one for me to swallow. “Forty” just holds a certain weight to it that the numbers that come before it did not — at least for me they didn’t. I’ve spent the last few months of my thirties reflecting much more so than I ever thought I would. It’s been an interesting, albeit emotional, yet somewhat beautiful season for me.

I booked a flight to New York City last week to not work and to ring in my fortieth year on my terms. I went alone and it was the greatest birthday gift I could have given myself. I spent my days walking. Several miles a day in fact, popping into book stores and interesting little bauble and vintage stores, coffee shops, and cafes. I discovered the best iced matcha latte I’ve ever had and went back again for more and to study the process as they made it in hopes of recreating the simple and satisfying drink at home — spoiler: the magic is in the homemade almond milk. I recreated it with great success and am drinking one right now. I ate incredible meals, stopped into various bodegas and markets to collect unique snacks and teas that I couldn’t find back home. I spent my free time reading and soaking up the sun from the rooftop of the apartment where I was staying. I had no expectations, nowhere to be, and no commitments in place. I spent much time in silence. I went on the ferry. I stayed off of my phone.

If this sounds like a dream, it truly felt like one. The time away helped me settle much of the “mid-life crisis” state of mind, or whatever it was, just in time to return home to the open arms of my family the evening before the big day. And the big day was pretty wonderful incase you were wondering. Being a 40-something may take some getting used to mentally, but I keep hearing people say that their forties are (and were) the best years of their lives, and if that is what I have to look forward to in the decade to come then fuck yes, bring it on, I am ready for you!

Now that we’ve gotten that bout of vulnerability out of the way, let me say this: I have been alive for quite some time now and I have absolutely learned a lot of things over the past four decades. Here are 40 of them worth noting…

1. Adopt good daily habits: wake up early. Move your body. Apply SPF. Wear matching underwear. Say good morning to the neighbor. Drink more water. Get some sun on your face. Cook from home as often as possible. Recycle. Read more books. Take care of your skin. Go to bed early.
2. Work hard. Play hard. Work harder. Play harder. In that order.
3. Do the things that scare you. Step out of your comfort zone. It’s how you grow!
4. When in doubt throw on jeans, a clean white t-shirt, a black blazer, and comfortable shoes. Done.
5. Take your time. We are in no rush.
6. Go with your gut — always.
7. Pay attention to what’s going on in the world around you. Educate yourself. Form educated opinions. Stand up for what you believe in. Help people. Donate your time. It’s your world and your responsibility.
8. Your friends are your chosen family. Choose wisely.
9. Dancing to your favorite song in the bedroom will cure any bad mood.
10. Do not over-pluck your eyebrows.
11. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously. Be spontaneous. Bend the rules. Being a conformist will do you no good.
12. It’s okay to admit that you’re wrong.
13. When people are critical of you or put you down, it is ALWAYS a reflection of themselves and what’s going on in their lives. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. (Remember that one ladies, and maybe suggest they watch Won’t You Be My Neighbor for a good ol’ fashioned reminder that it’s cool to be kind.)
14. A hangover once you hit your late thirties is never worth that third margarita.
15. Comparison truly IS the thief of joy. Try not to do it.
16. Get off your damn phone, go outside, and live your life.
17. Buy yourself flowers.
18. Know how to make three delicious recipes well: a good salad, a no-fail pasta dish or roasted chicken, and a guaranteed-to-please dessert.
19. Proceed with caution when going into business with someone. It’s essentially a marriage. Know them well.
20. Wear white after Labor Day. Wear Ugg boots. Wear whatever you damn well please.
21. You should always, always ask for help when you need it.
22. Never rub your eye after chopping jalapeños.
23. Smoking was never cool.
24. Turn down that mid-week party invitation, stay home, order Thai food, and watch Sex In The City solo on the couch in your pajamas.
25. Call your dad (or your mom, your stepmom, your aunt, your friend). Ask them how their day was and tell them that you love them.
26. The most uninteresting thing about you is how you look. Stop counting calories, stop obsessing about that smaller pants size, eat the fucking cookie, eat the carbs, go back for seconds. Invest in your health and in your wisdom.
27. The skeletons from your past have made you who you are. Stop shaming yourself. Don’t regret. Stand up tall and be proud of what you’ve overcome.
28. Keep a stash of Baies candles in the closet at all times incase you’re in need of a last-minute gift.
29. Stop caring about what other people think of you. Don’t strive to be doing things like someone else. Do not desire to be liked or admired.
30. Make the Calico Critters talk to each other, have Pokemon card battles, embrace the messy and disgusting slime, and read bedtime stories in funny voices with the kids. Even though you have other things to do, they love it and they will be better for it.
31. Surround yourself with people that make you laugh. Laughter is medicine.
32. Don’t piss the mail lady off. She is more powerful than you think and can simply choose not to deliver your letters and parcels.
33. Never give unsolicited advice. Be a good listener. Being an observer is better than being an attention seeker.
34. Changing your mind is the cheapest form of therapy.
35. Every woman should own a vibrator.
36. Try that thing you are curious about no matter what it may be: a new food, a new style, a new hair color, a new hobby, a new career path.
37. Speak to your children the way you would like to be spoken to.
38. Really think twice before getting that tattoo. Having it removed will cost and hurt you 100x as much as it did when you got it.
39. A new pair of shoes really does bring happiness, at least temporarily.
40. Fall down, get up, move on. Rinse, lather, repeat.